Terrible Twos

There should be a limit to stubbornness...Especially when the one exuberating the obstinate behaviour was only born two and half years ago...He pays no rent, he does not buy the food he is ingesting, even the diaper he is wearing was not purchased by him...But i dare you to do anything against his will...I know, i did not bring a baby to the world to push him around but still, he cannot be the one bossing us around...

The baby boss was born at 37 weeks...i swear the Almighty wanted to keep him more in Heaven's abode but he was in a hurry to see the world and stubborn as he is, even God had to give in and so he was born, crying and kicking almost 3 weeks earlier than his due date...

Ever since, it has been a struggle, especially that i am no more a young mother... I will be reaching 40 in a couple of years' time...I know age is just a number but i already feel like an old woman and my patience has reached a dead end...No wonder our parents used to tell us to get married early and bear kids soon after but they never told us the rationale behind it...I always thought they were bored and wanted grandchildren to play with...Heck! I was so very wrong!

I am not being a devil's advocate...On the contrary, I am a fervent supporter of feminism and I for one am pro whatever you ladies decide...After all it is your body and you are the one who will be carrying the baby for nine months with all its accompanying pickles and you are most likely to clean up the poop for the next 4 years and to bear with all his drama...Please do not get offended dear male counterparts but I'm just crying my heart out..Do bear with me...

All sorts of tricks are being used to get the drama king to the bathroom...Needless to say, my snail lover has made me kept two snails in the bathroom ready to be given a bath along with him for a year now...Not to worry, I am talking about the shells only...And i have been struggling day in day out to make him wear his nappies and clothes as he likes to wander with his 'zizi' out...But these days, eishhhh...Maybe lockdown has had its toll on the little one too...He just rebuffs the idea of giving his adorable snails a bath, even if he has done potty...So, he would walk insolently away with his diaper full of crap, making us almost faint with the stink...He would then roam around the house, dangling his nappy full of shit...As amusing as it is, watching his arrogant stride, I had no choice than to force him to the bathroom to clean his smelly bottom in between his shrieks which sound more and more like an angry geisha these days...

Needless to say, I am racking my brains for innovative excuses everyday for him to willingly go to the bathroom..Yesterday, I had to bring along a small cockroach for him to bathe and today it was a 'bébête ciseaux' (another insect for which i do not know the english translation)... Let's see what tomorrow has in store for us...Hope he doesn't want to give the reptiles a cleanse too as they scare the shit out of me...On the other hand, we kind of enjoy the surprises, especially in this lockdown situation where boredom is causing more deaths than the epidemic itself...

As for his poop, he is way too happy to keep it warm in his stomach...And though the waste is trying to come out, he will try to hold the stool for as long as he can till he gets stomach ache and I have no choice than to insert a suppository into his rectum..Poor fellow...I remember someone used to be like this..Me...Shit! Kids do pick up the worse from us parents...And people say, motherhood is easy?! Imagine trying to deal with the worse version of you...You will no doubt be damned...

Consequently one needs to choose well the partner with whom to have the baby with...Because no matter how the parents are, the baby is going to be way worse - imagine both the parents' unfavourable characteristics combined into one...Yikes! And i always say hubby is as stubborn as a mule...No wonder,  the baby got the obstinacy from him...Well, I am secretly delighted when he is giving him a hard time...Some one had to give him a taste of his own medicine...The bossy hubby has now got a bossier boss and he cannot do much about it...hehe...The Almighty finally heard me...But hey, I am no less stubborn as it is...Some people say I am as stubborn as a buffalo...And that would undeniably explain the unyielding characteristics of my boy...

Rest assured, I am not trying to discourage those who are planning to take the leap and bring God's miracle to the world...Some are as flexible as one could be...And the parents are undoubtedly enjoying their parenthood and giving me advice while they are at it and that pisses the hell out of me...Heck, do you seriously think i did not try those little tips you are giving me?! Of course i did but none is working!! Deal with it, for God's sake!

I sometimes laugh looking at my little one's whims and caprices and I am sometimes in awe of how manipulative this little buddy can be...If I was half like him, I would have got away with so much more from my previous superiors...I should no doubt learn a few tricks from the little guy...

Everyday is like going on a battle...From eating, to changing his clothes, to brushing his teeth, to cutting his nails, to having a bath, to sleeping, to having his meds when unwell and to even doing potty, everything is a big fat "No''...Those daily mantras in his words revolve around: "Maman, veut pas manger", "Maman, veut pas baigner", "Maman, veut pas brosser les dents", "Maman, veut pas dormir", "Maman, veut pas changer", "Maman, veut pas boire medicinecament" amidst whines... It requires a hell lot of patience indeed...I wonder if that's what people mean by terrible twos..Because I am, as a matter of fact, having a terrible time with my two year old, especially during this lockdown situation when he has no place to be except here and he has no other person to torment except us...

Not to mention the tantrums at every turn...Eishhh...These days, i think the little one does not quite understand the concept of day and night during this lockdown situation since he is seeing our faces all day long as compared to before...He wants to wear nice clothes before bed time with shirt and pants... So it goes without saying that whenever my little love yields to what was asked, my heart leaps with contentment...The joys of motherhood...Every little thing achieved out of my mulish boy is quite an achievement...

People say I should bear another child and his behaviour would unfailingly change... Are they out of their bloody minds or what?! Have i not become bald enough?! Let me be loud and clear, if you have still not got the message...One is more than enough for my sanity! My only child already gives me a hard enough time as if i am raising three kids at the same time...So the package is big enough to handle in this lifetime...So, come to terms with the idea people and let me be...

I heard the 'terrible twos' is just a phase and as most of the phases, this one too will fade...Let us hope so and that the defiant behaviour will gradually disappear too...Kuddos to you ladies who dealt with the phase with your dignity and sanity left unharmed...As for us ladies who are dealing with it now, let us all hope that this phase on top of the pandemic do not cause us to be completely insane well ahead of our time...

Come adolescence, I hope my one and only does not jump at my throat for having shared so much of those embarrassing details from his childhood...Well, to be fair, i shared my little humiliating moments too...Either way, I will hide this blog from him until he reaches a carefree age or else am doomed...

Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to hurt the sensibility of readers and no harm is intended for any species as well as for my one and only...